The kidney stone – one of life’s more challenging adventures. First comes the feeling that something “down there” is presently going to pop. This can go on for some time. Then the trip to the doctor – no, not a UTI – ultra sound, CAT scan – AHA! There is the little devil, perched on my ureter, refusing to enter my bladder where he could move on out. He keeps trying, though. He’s persistent. How can a tiny 5 MM stone cause so much havoc? How can he stop me dead in my tracks?
My urologist gives me a choice. I can wait, strain my urine (a tricky pastime) and do a few jumping jacks. He demonstrates for me; he’s like that. Still, nothing happens. On to surgery, after COVID testing that plunges unexpectedly into the depths of my nasal cavity. I’m knocked out, destoned, and awakened to spasms of a grand proportion. My body does not like the stent and continually tries to expel it, to no avail. I need post- surgery pain killers; the Tylenol does not touch the pain. But no – it’s me and the Tylenol, says the nurse. Bite the bullet. Whatever. The doctor doesn’t even show up to check on me.
24 sleepless hours and then a call to the on-call physician who tells me “I’m going into surgery – call the office in the morning”. The office opens at 8:30 and I will have to tough it out. No big deal; he must get into surgery. Thank you. Click. I’m too tired to scream. I must personally go to the office and sign for the narcotic, which does knock me out and gives me some intriguing hallucinations. I float in a large warm pool in the middle of the ocean under billions of stars. I find pink vacuum cleaner parts in my closet. Does Mary Kay make those? I sleep desperately.
The narcotic leaves me listless and miserable in my own skin. Never again. No appetite, no energy. Spasms stretch into infinity. Five days later, I remove my own stent. Yes, you can do this, to avoid another doctor visit. Who wouldn’t? The evil culprit slides out with ease, all 10 inches of him.
Well, thank God for modern medicine, seriously. Just think if I’d live 100 years ago. I’m grateful, and I’m drinking water like a camel.
